We are surrounded by negativity!
In the previous 3 weeks, this blog has worked through many of the parts of the book The Five Love Languages. This book, written by Dr. Gary Chapman, has been a great resources for people who want to learn more about the people in their lives that they love.
The concept of love languages is a very useful tool as it helps us to see that some people feel loved in various ways and the way we prefer to give and receive love may not be the way our loved ones prefer it.
The five love languages, as laid out in the book, are as follows:
- Words of Affirmation
- Quality Time
- Physical Touch
- Acts of Service
- Giving and Receiving Gifts
“Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.” -Mother Teresa
“…But the human tongue is a beast that few can master. It strains constantly to break out of its cage, and if it is not tamed, it will run wild and cause you grief.” -Unknown
“May every word that is ever spoken by our mouths be words that lift up, and never words that tear down.” Anonymous
No doubt that words are powerful. But did you ever stop to think that words can be MORE powerful to some than to others? At least in the field in emotional love, I believe it’s very true.
I happen to be one of those WORD OF AFFIRMATION people that the 5 Love Languages talks about.
One well-spoken word, specific and carefully delivered, spoken by someone I care about, love and admire, gives me enough emotional food to last all weekend. I feel like I could almost “live” off of words of affirmation.
When taking the 5 Love Languages assessment, “words of affirmation” have always been at the top for me.
She works hard
However, my beautiful, loving, sweet wife (notice how those words of affirmation just roll off the tongue) doesn’t have quite the skillset of a wordsmith. In fact, she’s pretty terrible at it.
The truth is, she knows it does not come naturally, or in the words of Gary Chapman, “words of affirmation” is not a language she is fluent in.
The positive to that is that she is almost un-affected by words. Over the course of our marriage, I have had MORE than my share of stupid comments, demeaning words and regrettable conversations with her. But she hasn’t held a grudge and she doesn’t bring those words back up to me.
The negative side is twofold. One, when I compliment her, and shower her with words, it doesn’t have the same “swoon” effect that it might on someone else. Secondly, she does not speak the language well enough to use words to easily fill my emotional love tank.
Does she make excuses?
What makes my wife SO WONDERFUL, is that she recognizes that I am motivated by words and that she is NOT a natural affirming word giver. But instead of saying “I’m just not good at that” and leaving me with a half-empty tank, she tries all the more. She works hard. She gets WAY out of her comfort zone and really tries.
I am proud of my wife for many, many things. The list is incredibly, sensationally, spectacularly, magnificently, unsurprisingly, beautifully, long.
Top of the list
What might be at the top of the list (or at least second behind the Krispy Kreme Challenge from 2009) is the fact that she has wrestled and worked and refused to give up trying to affirm me just because it is not her strong suit. It may be the single quality that I love the most about her.
Take note and do the same
Are you reading this and realize that your spouse, your children, your parents need you to speak THEIR language and it does not come naturally? SO WHAT?
Show them how much you love them by working hard at learning their language. The effort will be worth it, I promise.
“The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.”
Proverbs 15:4
Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.
Proverbs 16:24
Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.
Proverbs 18:21
