Gift giving is great! For other people
In last weeks blog, we discussed briefly the 5 love languages and how it affects our decisions during typical gift-giving times. Click the link below to visit that article:
https://wordpress.com/post/lee-bailey.com/356
The 5 Love Languages Reviewed:
- Giving and Recieving Gifts
- Physical Touch
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Quality Time
Each of these represent a broad category from the book The Five Love Languages written by Dr. Gary Chapman. In these categories, Dr. Chapman helps us understand how people most want to give and receive emotional love.
“Love is something you do for someone else, not something you do for yourself.”
― Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages Singles Edition“All of us blossom when we feel loved and wither when we do not feel loved.”
― Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages for Singles
Physical Touch
As I focus in on one of the other five (I dealt with gift giving in the previous blog) I want to deal with the category of physical touch.
Dr. Chapman is quick to point out that to “feel” loved, and for your preferred love language to be physical touch, this is NOT about sex or sexual touch.
This particular love language is more about hugs, hand shakes, fist bumps and the tender touch on an arm, a brother putting his hand on the shoulder of his brother, sisters hugging and laying on each other and kids desiring a hug or high-five from their parents.
Touch me-not
Some people – and we all know some of these people – recoil or withdraw when someone wants to give them a simple hug or pat them on the back. They simply DO NOT like to be touched. They are the people who won’t hold hands around a dinner table (or will do the minimum) and they are also the same people who will sit in the floor when the only seat available is the middle cushion on a couch with people at each arm rest.
Some don’t mind it but it doesn’t fill them up
The idea of a “love tank” being full or empty can be an unusual mental image, but it works. Using one or more of the above-mentioned love languages can help an individual feel loved and therefore their “love tank” is full. To some people, it’s nice to be hugged or have someone pat you on the back, you don’t mind it, and in some cases it’s just what you wanted. But you don’t “need” it to feel loved. That is normal and one of the other choices is your primary love language.
“Inside every child is an ’emotional rani’s waiting to be filled with love. When a child really feels loved, he will develop normally but when the love tank is empty, the child will misbehave. Much of the misbehavior of children is motivated by the cravings of an empty ‘love tank”
― Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate
Some just need it
Our son, Levi, is a physical touch kid. He was ALWAYS the one who wanted to wrestle, who wanted to sit in his moms lap and who wanted to kiss all over his new baby sister. He wanted to hold hands while walking and he wanted to sit next to you – or better stated – sorta on top of your leg or shoulder – every time we sat down to watch a movie or TV show. Levi was the one who would lean on you in pictures and throw his arm around you for a photo. Levi showed his love through physical touch.
Levi has a big personality and that was true even as a small child. If he was happy, he was REALLY HAPPY. If he was sad, he was REALLY SAD. So it wasn’t unusual to see occasional mood swings with him. However….
One day, Levi’s demeanor changed. He was upset and would not talk to us about it. This went on for several days. He was about 6 years old and was great at expressing himself, so that wasn’t the issue.
He moped around and was generally disagreeable to everyone and it was making a negative impact on our family dynamics. So much so, in fact, that JoAnne and I had a little meeting to discuss it. We began to problem-solve and tried to figure it out for ourselves. We simply had no answers.
Then, JoAnne’s eyes lit up and said said, “Levi’s love language is obviously physical touch, I’ll be right back.”
Levi had just gone to bed and he slept on the top bunk of a bunk bed he shared with his older brother, Max.
JoAnne crawled up on top of the bunk bed, sat with her legs crisscrossed, her head almost touching the ceiling and grabbed Levi and held him close. At first he resisted, but within seconds of the prolonged hug from mom, he began to relax, the stress dropped from his shoulders and he melted.
As hugs go, that was a long one!
She held him for 3-4 minutes, which in the world of hugs, over 3 minutes is professional level. My legs would have gone to sleep LONG before that, but a mother’s love knows no boundaries.
After the hug, Levi was normal again. There was no talking it through, no explanation, no parental guidance. Just a long hug and all was well again.
In the next few weeks I will continue to discuss and share stories of the 5 love languages.
