ITS THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR…..
I would imagine that pretty much everyone loves Christmas at some level. There is joy coming from the radio stations, people are more generous, store owners are loving the extra sales and families look forward expectantly to gathering together.
It’s just what you do
When we were first married in August of 1993, we had just a few months before we celebrated our very first Christmas as a married couple. We set out to get each other the perfect gift, although neither of us remember what we got each other…
First apartment, first Christmas 1993
We had no money and I didn’t even have a job
During that first Christmas, we had almost no money as we struggled to pay rent. I was having trouble with long-term employment, so I was working odd jobs and construction-type day jobs. Christmas was stressful. Of course it was fun, but the underbelly is stressful. Maybe it is for a lot of people who just refuse to let those deep-rooted feelings come to the surface.
As a follower of Christ, it is even more important that you don’t do too much complaining because Jesus sacrificed so much for us (Read John 3:16 in the Bible if you want to learn more).
But the truth is, gift giving and receiving CAN be stressful. Financially, it can be hard. The other side is equally stressful: finding the right thing; hiding it from a spouse; spending more or less than the other person; finding time to shop when the other is not around.
We have all had those times when we bought the wrong size sweater or bought a dehumidifier for the garage when your wife wanted a food dehydrator.
Then, we took “the Test”…
The “test” I am referring to is actually an assessment at the end of the book The Five Love Languages. This book, written by Dr. Gary Chapman, explains that there are five basic ways in which people give and receive emotional love.
If you have never read the book, taken the assessment or if you have never heard of the Five Love Languages, I strongly encourage you to find out about them. A deep understanding of the 5 ways that people “prefer” to give and receive love and reviewing the results of your personal assessment is so very helpful in understanding what makes each other tick.
We both scored a zero
The assessment tells you how you scored on all five love languages from top score to bottom score. The five love languages are:
Giving and Receiving Gifts
Quality Time
Words of Affirmation
Physical (non-sexual) Touch
Acts of Service
It was liberating!
When my wife and I reviewed each others scores, our top 4 highest scores were completely different. However, the single, lonesome, final “love language” on both of our scorecards was GIVING AND RECIEVING GIFTS. We both scored a big, fat ZERO!
This simply means that of all the ways people feel loved, we BOTH prefer the other 4 ways over gift-giving. It doesn’t mean we hate it, it just means that other things make us happier.
Almost immediately, we made a decision that would shape so much of the way we celebrate. That single, solitary decision helped alleviated stress over the decades.
The decsion:
We decided that if neither of us feel loved by giving or receiving gifts, why do it?
On that day, in the 2nd year of marriage, we drew a line in the sand.
NO MORE GIFT GIVING ON SPECIAL OCCASIONS BETWEEN ME AND HER.
This has applied to birthdays, anniversaries and Christmas. It. Has. Been. Wonderful.
At no point have we felt slighted, less-loved or negative in any way. In fact, it is so liberating!
We use the other Love Languages
The results of that assessment hasn’t just helped us to know what NOT to do, but it helps us in so many other ways!
The next 4 blog post will be stories related to the other love languages.
