We are less connected in the most connected era in human history
I. Am. An. Introvert.
For those of you who know me, you might be surprised to read that. For some people, they see introversion as being quiet or shy. For others introverts are anti-social. Once I learned the clinical definition of introversion, I knew this described me. The clinical definition is as follows:
An introvert is a person with qualities of a personality type known as introversion, which means that they feel more comfortable focusing on their inner thoughts and ideas, rather than what’s happening externally. They enjoy spending time with just one or two people, rather than large groups or crowds
Yes, this definition describes me from head to toe. This is not good or bad, it just correctly describes me. I think A LOT, and I like to be alone with my thoughts and if I choose to be with anyone, it with my wife and/or kids.
I. Can. Be. A. Loner.
Due to this desire to be alone with my thoughts or be with just a few people, I find that I CHOOSE to be by myself a lot of the time. I prefer to watch football by myself. I love watching old 80s TV shows by myself. When everyone is going out together for lunch, I just prefer to go home and eat at my kitchen table quietly. This is not my public image. In public I am a talker, a conversationalist and a BIG storyteller. I actually like the spotlight. But when you are telling a story, or on stage, you can still be “alone”, sort of. Its weird. I don’t expect everyone to understand it.
While there is noting wrong with being an introvert, being a loner, which is an extension of introversion, that is wrong. Wrong may not be the “right” word for it, but lets just say its not best.
Why can’t I do what I want?
I have asked myself this question over and over. Why can’t I just tell someone “no” when they ask me to join them for lunch? Why can’t I just politely decline when I am invited to a birthday party or graduation party. If everyone else goes, what does it matter if I do not?
A Biblical Case
Since I study, believe and try to live by the Bible and Biblical principles, it stands to reason that IF, and I mean IF, the Bible has anything to say about this that I would listen.
…….And it does.
Almost from the first pages of the Bible we see the positive impact of same-gender friendships.
Abraham and Lot
Ruth and Naomi
David and Jonathan
Elijah and Elisha
Paul and Silas
Paul and Timothy
Paul and Barnabus
Jesus had a close friend
Jesus recruited the disciples to follow him. We could loosely refer to them as His work-friends. They were certainly closer than lots of work friends, but He recruited them for a reason and they worked together to get things done.
But Jesus had a friend named Lazarus that appears to be a friend simply for social purposes. We find Jesus with Lazarus just hanging out. No agenda.
What a great example for us.
The Bible CLEARLY shows us that at least during Bible times, same-gender friendships were important to the most prominent leaders of the Old and New Testament, including Jesus himself.
Biblical Friendship
What is a Biblical friendship?
Read Proverbs chapter 27.
Verse 6 “Faithful are the wounds of a friend”
Have you ever been hurt by a friend? I have. It hurts worse than from a stranger or just an acquaintance. But there is something to it. A wound from a friends – a true friend – is usually rooted in truth. Every single time I have been wounded, as I look at it objectively, its been rooted in truth and that friend loved me enough to risk hurting me to say it.
Am I a better person, better dad, better husband due to truthful things that close friends have said to me. Unequivocally YES.
Verse 10 “Do not forsake your friend and your father’s friend, and do not go to your brother’s house in the day of calamity. Better is a neighbor who is near than a brother who is far away.”
God puts us around people. We live and work around people that are not relatives. We live and work around people that might not be on the short list of people that you would choose to be with. Proverbs is saying that we need to rely on them, trust them and do life with them EVENTHOUGH they are not blood family. There is something that happens when you CHOOSE to do this. You don’t get to choose your family, but the people you name as your friends, they hold a special – not higher or more prominent – but a special place in your heart because you chose them and they chose you.
Verse 17 “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”
Over the course of my life, I have had the undeniable privilege to have friends who helped shape me into the person I am today. Joel, James, Jonathan, Don, Phillip, Alex, Daniel, Thomas, Randy, Bill, Scott, Joe, Bennie, Craig, Chris, Kenny, Keith, Terry, Jim – these men and others have sharpened me. Anything that I am good at, anything that makes me a better man and all that goes into being a man, these men have had a part. Of course my dad and brother, grandfathers, etc… But since we are talking about friends, these men have taken the iron sharpening idea and made sparks fly.
Sometimes the sharpening process hurts. Sometimes you don’t fully understand what the purpose of the sharpening is until you need it. Then you go back and remember. And you breathe a little “thank you”.
I may not WANT to reach out and make friends, but I have found that I NEED to.
My wife wants me to. She sees how I am better when I am with Biblically founded friends.
My kids want me to. They see how I am better when I hang out with God-fearing friends.
My parents want me to. They see the difference it makes in me when I invest in the lives of good men.
My co-workers want me to. They experience a better leader when I choose to spend time with good friends.
Non-Biblical Times
We are not living 2,000 years ago and the examples given in Scripture as well as the teaching of Scripture may have been meant for that audience along.
But my own experience and the testimony of my family and friends would suggest that now – MORE THAN EVER BEFORE – we all NEED friends.
Never have we had an opportunity to be as connected as we are today. In Biblical times, they needed friends to walk with them from city to city.
We can call, text, email, snapchat or facetime anybody anywhere at anytime. Why then does it seem we are less connected?
Our friends are supposed to be there for us when we have a crisis. When we are hurting. When we need the truth. When we need a shoulder. When we need a helping hand. Too often friendship today are only their to watch TV together.
Here is what I have learned. In spite of my desire to be alone, I need friends. They actually need me, too. When I am with them, I enjoy it. When I have been with them, there is a positive residual effect on others. I will endeavor to resist my own desire to be a lone ranger and embrace the fact that we are all in this together. And those that share my values, they are the most influence and helpful of all.
