In the world of parenting, not all sins are equal
As parents, we are CONSTANTLY teaching, instructing, correcting and, well, parenting. It’s our job. Sometimes it’s wonderful, sometimes it’s hard. But in the end, we all BELIEVE that when the dust settles and they have moved on to other things and out of our house, that all of the hard word and heartache is rewarding and worth it. We have to believe that, don’t we? It keeps us going.
All children have the propensity to be dishonest
My wife and I stopped asking the “why did you do that?” question because we didn’t want to almost force them into a situation where they were tempted to lie to us. You see, we look at dishonesty and lying as the grand prize, the gold medal, the winner of the showcase showdown of all bad behavior.
God gave at least one of the parents the lie detector skill set – USE IT!
Often times our kids can come up with some outlandish stuff, and you know what, sometimes they are telling the truth or some version of it. They can be convincing. But we as parents have to be willing to call “BS” on some of their stuff and prove it out. If they are telling the truth it will come to light and they will have one time when you have to apologize. But MOST of the time, when we scrutinize and interrogate, they can’t hold their arguments together and they crumble. As parents you have to catch them early and often and make it hurt. We must DRIVE the desire to deceive out of their hearts early on in life. We MUST! They have no idea how harmful perpetual lying is to them, their friendships, future employers etc… and we are charged with driving that out of them. It CANNOT become a habit.
Throwing pillows is really not that big of a deal
When I was 10 and my brother was 7, we were home with my dad who was in the back of the house, on the opposite side of house where we were playing. We had been instructed several times before to cease and desist from throwing pillows, balls and books in the living room where mom had a high per capita lamp count.
But on that day, seemingly outside of the earshot of father, we starting throwing pillows at each other again. A drinking glass got broken and my wheels began to turn on how to stay out of trouble. So I whispered to my younger brother, “Ok, here’s the story. I was walking by the brick fireplace and my knee accidently knocked over the glass and it broke. You got it?” He nodded loyally and we proceeded to clean up.
His shadow filled the doorway
In just a minute, the recognizable and terrifying footsteps of our dad began filling the hallway and in just moments, he was standing in the opening of the living room watching us. “What happened?” He asked.
I was ready. My story won him over and he walked away.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf, and I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself.
A wink of his eye and twist of his head, soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
WRONG
Just as he vanished and the threat had been averted, he called my little brother into his bedroom. My naïve little brain didn’t immediately make the connection that this conversation taking place was related to the previous one…..But I soon found out.
Crying, my brother was left in his room having just received a paddling from my father (principle of a high school at the time of this incident).
GULP
He called me into his bedroom
He looked me in the eye
“Your brother told me the truth”
I closed my eyes and wished to be anywhere else. Instead, I got the same punishment. After that was over, he put his hand on my shoulders, looked me in the eye and said, “Son, that spanking was for throwing pillows. You disobeyed me and so did your brother.”
THE BELT OF TRUTH
Then, taking off his big, long, leather belt, he again looking me in the eye and said, “Now, son, this is for lying to me.”
When I woke from my coma, (just kidding) my mind began to process what happened. In that moment, two things became obvious to me.
1)Telling the truth was better than lying – ALWAYS. No exceptions.
2) My dad places a higher penalty for lying than EVERY OTHER SINGLE INFRACTION.
We have carried this philosophy into our own parenting. Lying is always met with more disappointment, punishment, and discipline. But open honesty is rewarded. Praised. Even if we have to discipline for disobedience, the intensity is reduced if there is open honestly.
We believe this has carried on and our grown kids rarely, if ever, try to sneak one by us. It’s just not worth it.
