As father’s day approaches, it is worth noting that the title of “DAD” is one that will change your life, hopefully for the better.
Different than husband
Yes, I was a husband before I was a dad. And yes, I believe that the marriage relationship is the primary relationship in a healthy man’s life. All other relationships are secondary to the relationship a man has with his wife. I am unwavering on this.
However, we would all be foolish to think that the parenting relationship isn’t critical and even possibility in the same range of difficulty with being a husband. The stakes are really high. The challenges are real. The rewards are incalculable.
Husband and father
If you desire a true and fulfilling life, I am of the belief that a happy, healthy marriage is number one and have children, however many, and devoting yourself to raising them to be a solution to the worlds problems, is a close second.
They are connected for sure. They build on each other and when the marriage is not good, there is really no way the parenting can be great, either. So a man must be able to love his wife and work with her as they go down the very long road of parenting.
The stakes are high
If you raise your children, you will have the opportunity to spoil your grandchildren. If you spoil your children, you will be forced to raise your grandchildren.
Rabbi Manis Freidman
This world is fallen. The world we live in sad. The people who walk by us everyday are aimless and have no direction. We encounter people in the marketplace and in the social media arenas who are looking for excuses, looking for handouts and looking for sympathy. In order to not add to that epidemic of helplessness and need, parents have a tall task. To raise our kids in such a way that they, on their own, figure out ways to contribute to society and be a real positive influence in the world.
In order to do that, we have to begin with the end in mind. We have to think what we want them to be like when they are 18, 22, 25 and 30. Then we have to parent them TOWARDS that direction with a long-game mentality. It is incredibly hard to think long-term when your body aches from being so tired and so weary from constant teaching, correcting, playing, disciplining, cleaning, helping, showing, showing again, listening, caring, feeding, feeding again, etc..
Our motivation must be connected to the stakes. If we don’t push through on the hard days, they are at risk of being a part of the worlds PROBLEMS. We can’t do that to the world. More important that recycling, more important than reducing our carbon footprint and more important than leaving no trace, if we don’t get the parenting thing right, we have sent our kids out into the world to create MORE problems.
Challenges
For one, being a dad is way different than the task of the mom. The little girls and boys who have been entrusted to our care need both, because what we provide are so different. They need to see their dad loving their mom. So, when money is tight, stress is high and the kids are misbehaving, the boys need to see their dad have enough self-control to still treat their mom with love and kindness. The girls need to see their dad DEMONSTRATE the minimum standard for an acceptable husband. When the flaming arrows of the world are bearing down on you, it is very hard to have the inner peace and strength to face the challenges and show, through our actions as a dad and husband, that we are in control.
It is also hard to show a perfect balance between discipline and love. This is a dance that changes daily and the song never ends. Our kids HAVE to know there are boundaries and rules. And the HAVE to known and feel that they are loved unconditionally.
We have to be able to enforce our own rules without emotion and at the same time show love and emotion regardless of what rules were broken. How on earth do we do that?
It is so hard. But when the leave the house….
The rewards are incalculable
If they have been raised to contribute to society, if they accept personal responsibility, if they begin making mature decisions, if they put others first, if you start to see them make a difference in the lives of those around them, if they show financial acumen, if they demonstrate a strong work ethic, if they continue and grow in their faith…..
Then as a parent, knowing how far you are from perfect, but as a parent, you can put your head on your pillow at night and believe you did everything you could and you believe in your heart that this world is now a better place because your kids are out in it.
