Doing things for others tells them you love them
In the first 2 installments of this blog thread, I have been discussing the ideas that have been brought forth by Dr. Gary Chapman through his book The Five Love Languages. In this book he points out, through years of clinical and observational research, that people generally express emotional love through their specific and unique “love language”. Dr. Chapman argues that there are 5 different categories of love languages and its through these categories that everyone prefers to give and receive love.
They are:
- Giving and Receiving Gifts
- Acts of Service
- Words of Affirmation
- Quality Time
- Physical Touch
In the previous weeks, I have discussed in detail how two of the love languages (gift giving and physical touch) can manifest themselves in every day life.
This week, I would like to just share a quick story about my mom.
ACTS OF SERVICE
IF there has EVER been someone who personified the “acts of service” love language, it is my mom.
She has such a servants heart, it’s almost hard to believe. She ALWAYS made sure that she went through the serving line last at supper, to make sure there was enough food for EVERYONE else.
She would often bring my dad a snack or a tall glass of sweet tea, even though he hadn’t asked for it.
She did all the cleaning, all the cooking, all the shopping. She served us. Never once did I feel like it was a hardship for her, ether. It really was (and still is) one of the major ways that she shows us love.
She actually cried
So, mom has been that way as far back as my memory will take me.
One day, as a teenager, I was hungry and all the cereal bowls were in the dishwasher.
I NEEDED my Count Chocula, bad.
I had a few choices:
- Pour the cereal in a cup or glass
- use a tupperware bowl
- eat it straight from the box
- get the cereal bowl out of the dishwasher
The cup/glass options didn’t provide me with enough up-front volume, so that option was out. The tupperware bowl was certainly a good option, but I was concerned about the cereal-to-milk ratio and didn’t want to waste perfectly good Count Chocula on an experiment. I love to eat cereal from the box, but this type of cereal, much like Capt’n Crunch, needs to be softened by milk or its like taking a cheese grater to the roof of your mouth.
It was my only real choice
So, I decided to get the bowl from the dishwasher…
Oh no, a large pot was leaning over the cereal bowls and I was forced to move it. So. I. Put. It. Away.
Then, as if in a trance, a moment of unplanned generosity overcame me like the flu and I started, mindlessly, putting away all the dishes and silverware and pots and pans.
It was exhausting. I definitely had earned the right to eat two full bowls.
Humility was my strong suit
I was sitting at the kitchen table, reading the side of the box when mom came home. She immediately walked to the dishwasher to unload it. When she opened it she was as shocked as I have ever seen her.
“Did YOU unload the dishwasher?” She asked. With my mouth full of cereal I nodded yes.
She cried.
In her sweet mind, she thought I had done that for her. It was an act of service. Unprompted. Out of love. Of course, I didn’t tell her about my selfish dilemma. I chalked up her response to a teenagers notion that moms cry over things.
But when I first was exposed to the idea of the Five Love Languages, that story flooded my mind. Now it makes sense. When someone does everything they can to serve you, and you do something small to serve them back, its taken as an act of love.
I understand that now.
To some people, taking out the trash is a chore. To others, it’s an act of service.
